I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
