I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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