we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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