no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
