He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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