I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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