She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize