I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
well you can't waste a boner
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
