he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
