I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
