wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
