Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
