What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize