During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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