im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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