Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize