i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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