So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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