She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
