Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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