I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
