he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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