I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No subtext here. People are naked.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
