Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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