I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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