dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
