dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
