I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
foreskin is a definite game changer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
