3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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