I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
