I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
