it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
