OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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