I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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