Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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