Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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