her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
