i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
