I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
