I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
where are my eyebrows?
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