I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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