you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
