Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
they're like a gay fantastic four
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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