When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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