Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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