wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
