I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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