guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
