you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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