Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
