yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
