gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
