The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
