I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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