Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
