So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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