Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
