im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
