physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
