he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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