I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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