i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Damn victory sex feels great
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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