You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You are a genius and a whore.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
