I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
