i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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