You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
